Elizabeth Heaney
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Why People Join the Military (part 1)

8/4/2014

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At a friend’s dinner party some weeks ago, the guests pushed their empty dessert plates toward the center of the candle-lit table and leaned back in their chairs, chatting and enjoying the ambience. The host asked me about my writing, so I talked about the soldier* stories for a while. I finished by saying how poignant and fulfilling my work with combat vets had been.

Just as I finished speaking, the man seated directly across from me at the table leaned forward on his elbows and said forcefully, “Here’s what I want to know. Tell me this: why the hell would anyone sign up to join the military? I mean, who in their right mind would do that?” His eyes bore into me and his voice was accusatory and harsh, as if a person joining the military was some fault of mine.

I sat still for a moment, wondering how I might respond. It was clear to me from the way he asked the question that he didn’t really want to hear an answer – he was more interested in voicing his judgments of those who served.

The table went silent and everyone looked at me.
I’d heard various iterations of this question many times during my years working with service members. The majority of people who learned about my work were interested, curious, even grateful. But there were always those who seemed to feel a kind of moral offense at anything related to the military.

One hot summer morning when I was in between military assignments, I met a group of friends for coffee. A woman I didn’t know arrived with a friend as we dragged a bunch of chairs over to a big table on the shaded patio. As I mentioned the assignment I’d just left and the base I had worked at, she screwed up her face in disgust and said she couldn’t fathom why someone would be in the military: “Look at what they have to do. Who would do that? Unbelievable . . . ”

Months later, I did a reading in front of an attentive audience. As the soldier stories landed in their hearts, I saw a few people with tears streaming down their faces. I finished the last paragraph and put the excerpt away in my folder, then turned to see a line forming with people who wanted to speak to me about what I had just read. A tall, heavy-set woman stood third in line, and when she got her chance to talk, she said, “I’ve been very active in peace politics all of my life. How can you possibly work in the military? How can you justify being a part of that?” She was almost angry in her demeanor – challenging, confrontational, demanding.

In my next post, I’ll talk about how I responded to these questions  – and how they brought me into more compassion for the service men and women I worked with, their spouses and their families.

* I was using the terms “soldiers” generically, meaning the combat vets I had worked with from all branches of the military.
READ PART 2

Previous Comments:

Tracey says:
August 4, 2014 at 1:57 pm 
Love this, Elizabeth- great work. Can’t wait to see the next edition!

Anna says:
August 4, 2014 at 2:37 pm 
Always interesting, Elizabeth! Looking forward to the next post; dying to know how you responded to these folks.

Dona Kingsley says:
August 4, 2014 at 2:37 pm 
I remember being stationed in DC in the 70’s and we couldn’t wear our uniform to work because of all the political unrest over the military. I think that too any people don’t understand what being In tne military means and the worth of maintaining our countries freedom. Good luck answering this question, there are many things that can be said. AND what’s with the teaser?!!!!!!

danny johnson says:
August 4, 2014 at 3:22 pm
That “why” is a very good question, one I pondered many times when I was actually wearing the uniform and in the midst of a war…I guess the answer to me is there is a time in our lives when we feel it necessary to give back to a country that has raised us, fed us, given us all the freedoms we enjoy, even the right for people to ask such a question in public…President Eisenhower once said “No man hates war more than a soldier” and that’s so true, but if not for those soldiers, where would we be as a country? The world is a violent place, just look around in the Mideast and elsewhere, and if we didn’t have young men and women willing to stand up the same as their fathers or grandfathers or great grandfathers, America would have long ago suffered that violence in our own land, in our own homes, and the ability to have the freedom to ask such questions would have been visited by that violence, again see the Mideast or Germany of the 40s or Germany of the early 1900s or the English who sought to rule us…we are hated in many parts of the world, not because of our deeds but because of what we have achieved…I surely hate war, but for all our sakes, we best hope that our sons and daughters will be willing to stand up for what us old folks are no longer able to do, and be proud of them for their sacrifices…

maggie morton says:
August 4, 2014 at 4:14 pm
​Cant’t wait for the next one!

Bob says:
August 4, 2014 at 4:22 pm 
Please don’t keep us waiting long. Given that only 1% of the eligible population has chosen to serve, there can only be about 1.4 million reasons. Hope the guy across from you isn’t still wearing his dessert.

Patti says:
August 4, 2014 at 6:25 pm 
Thanks E. I was married to a Marine who served three tours in Vietnam and remember well the negative treatment some got on their return to the states. Looking forward to your next post.

Karen says:
August 4, 2014 at 11:30 pm
Anxiously awaiting your next post, my friend! I’ve had similar questions asked of me as well.

Linda says:
August 5, 2014 at 2:01 am 
I am on the edge waiting to know how you reply
I remember my dad telling me why he joined…to get away from his alcoholic father, he stayed because he found a place to belong, to serve, and where he mattered…I wish he was alive I’d ask him to tell me more.☺️

Sara pearson says:
August 5, 2014 at 7:17 am 
As a peacenik who has learned a tremendous amount from your writings, I look forward to your response! Many thanks

Linda says:
August 6, 2014 at 11:46 pm
​What a shame that people are so judgemental of others.. I’m looking forward to how your respose. Thanks for what you do, Elizabeth.

Laurie Kozar says:
August 7, 2014 at 4:47 pm 
I cannot wrap my head around my belief in non- violence and the ” need” for war. I guess there are major differences between offensive and defensive involvement. I so respect the work you have done and the message of awareness you bring. I look forward to more.
Laurie – the potter 🙂

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    Elizabeth Heaney - Author

     Clinical Psychologist, teacher,  private counselor. She speaks and writes about her work with service members.

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